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Please Be Honest With Yourself

by Cam Fraser

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1.
Wellness 03:25
Once you said it I couldn't stop seeing it and it wouldn't go away. The things I cherished started to blur and look the same. A pattern forming. Times are tough but nothing stays that way. But I am boring and in my life nothing ever changes. So talk of wellness and roll the eyes. Speak of chillness, well, no one could ever take your pride from you but yourself. You take your pride from you yourself. Racing dogs find the ending on their last earthly day. I've got no attention for the credits but the film was my favourite. And all this ink set into the paper holds arguable weight until it's lost. Thoughts scatter down the coast and land where the mind is youthful. So talk of illness and roll the eyes. You can't help yourself. You can't help it.
2.
Darlings 03:19
I calmly beat the drum. I know your favourite one. Catch me playing dumb for once. A couple more years of this shit and I'll go to some place no one knows my name or my face. After I kill all my darlings. And with you I'm starting. In the backyard under the earth I buried my fragile words, forgotten like the bones of pets of past owners. We say we won't forget. You're the only one I've got left. After I've killed all my darlings. And with you I'm starting to regret.
3.
I guess you had your eyes closed this whole time. Well it's good that we all have notions that we all deserve a river death but we might not be doing our best. Then you candidly shared an honest yarn about how you'd been kidnapped. I shared that I'd been burned. We each have learned a river death but we might just be holding our breath in water too blue to know from black. No time to think on what's been done. All sober, fierce and pretty you came in all alone and said "we each have found a city to roam but no place to call home". Then I painfully shared how I lost my charms. You said that you were with me. You had a missing heart that you lost down on the river bed with no intention of getting it back from waters too blue to know from black. When the fear that the love is never going to return. No, nothing's coming to get you. You felt like you were cursed. You told me through a wordy verse like this one. So go home to the coast and tend to your wounds and tell all your friends how you're trying to bloom but you never feel nourished. No, no one's really pure. And that's one thing you've truly learned but have you seen seen you at your worst. When water's too blue to know from black. I was dead once. But gone? Oh no.
4.
I'm writing from the harm and I'm drinking from the bar like the only way to share what's so damn hard into your arms. Your calloused body art. An abrasion draws the way into your pain. Today my counsellor gave me two ways to do this. The easy and the hard. Writing from the harm or "please be honest with yourself". Today my counsellor saved me. So I'm writing from the heart but I'm still drinking from the bar like the only way to share what's in your life is getting dark like the breaking of a bulb. These thoughts all spread like shards that reflect your shame. Today my counsellor gave me two ways to do this. The easy and the hard. Writing from the harm or "please be honest with yourself". Today my counsellor saved me from a great grave.
5.
Too Sincere 03:45
So write my name down with my number and call me up when I'm in the middle of something. Well I can't say that without sounding pissed off so I might not say anything at all. I don't always say "hi" like I know I should. I'll just swing by if I'm in the neighbourhood. And I know we don't get along, dear. But I slow down every time that you disappear because when we spoke you made it way too clear. Well I don't ever like to rush you and when you slack I won't be the one to push you. And I don't like telling people what to do. But then, I never meet anyone new. I know you're running late. Ok, that's good enough for me to praise you like I would. And I know we don't get along, dear. But I slow down every time that you reappear because when we spoke you made it way too clear. So grab a seat and a slice of cake, too. Two dozen candles get extinguished in seconds. Two dozen friends can sing a song together and make bracelets saying "BBF's 4ever". I'll show my hand to you like a broken clock. Sometimes too late and sometimes not at all. And I know that we don't get along, dear. But I slow down every time that you see me clearly because when we spoke you made it way too sincere.
6.
I'm making sure my songs are numbered for the one I used to know. Well you caught me at a disadvantage, the one I used to know. Well you caught me in the crosshairs of a sinking field of snow and you laid me down to rest there, the one I used to know. And it's come to my attention that you don't already know just the way that your voice shakes when you say "I told you so". And it's come to my attention that I'm the one who will have to learn you. But I'm sick on being burned when I get you home, the one I used to know.
7.
The bed's too soft, I can't sleep Your eyes are closed. Your body breathes. I'll only let you call me weekly. Even though you live right down the street from me. You call me just to talk but I'm always alright. Like how could you want it when you don't know where it's been? A semblance of them. And how could you want it when it's grabbing at your nights? Yeah right. The bed's too soft, I can't sleep My eyes are closed. My body keeps me. I'll only let you see me briefly. Even though you're the only one to ever really see me. You call me just to talk but I'm always alright. Like how could you want it when you don't know where it's been? A semblance of them. And how could you want it when it's grabbing at your life? Yeah right.

about

Ralph Clarke - Fiddle on track 2 & track 6
Vanessa Ohberg - Vocals on track 1 & track 3

Visual Art - Scott Wesley Johnson & Cam Fraser

Special thanks to Stephen Pitman and those who facilitate.

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released February 8, 2018

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Cam Fraser Toronto, Ontario

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